Basically, they analyzed the economic consequences and trade-offs that people face regularly when deciding whether to accept the best option available or to keep looking. In the online dating world, this means that looking at another profile may unveil someone who will make you happier than anyone you know. When you think of it that way, you almost feel a responsibility to look at another profile. How can you sit here reading this column when the very next profile you look at could be the best match for you? But we all know that logic doesn’t work—we don’t spend an unlimited amount of time looking for “the one” because we also want to eat, earn money, and watch “Homeland” (well, we used to).– Paul Oyer
Doss says that he feels the fear of missing out on someone who is potentially better is irrational. “More often than not you will only find someone who makes you equally happy in different ways but never much happier.”
Consider the following tips for application of the Search Theory in one’s personal life, offered in the article Paradox of Choice by our own Relate Institute (citing American psychologist Barry Schwartz):
- Figure out your goal or goals. Without knowing what you want, making a decision is almost impossible.
- Evaluate the importance of each goal. Look at your goals and decide which ones are most important, and which ones you can probably do without.
- Array the options. Date. keeping your dating goals in mind.
- Evaluate how likely each of the options is to meet your goals. No one will fulfill your entire wishlist but if someone hits your top 3 or 5 priorities, you may have a keeper.
- Pick the winning option. Focus on a person who has strengths that you cherish and weaknesses that you can live with.
- Modify goals. No matter how winning your option is, there will be things about your partner that you like less than the things you love.
Some additional tips:
- Develop your sense of self-awareness and self-compassion,
- Determining if your overall goal is just to have fun, develop long-term relationship, or find marriage)
- Determine your optimal time frame for getting married.
What dating tips have helped you the most?