Can You Ignore Your Child’s Bad Behavior?

This post is twenty-first in a series of videos available in our BYU Social Sciences YouTube channel, which provides short tidbits from our most popular lectures and useful, succinct, research-backed advice on contemporary issues.

Is it okay to ignore your child’s bad behaviors? According to parenting expert Denise Barney, yes, as long as you do it with a purpose. In a 2017, presentation to School of Family Life alumni about parenting, she listed tantrums and tattling as two behaviors that can be ignored. Ignoring them with the purpose of redirecting children to more positive behaviors can be a useful way of eliminating them.

If a child tattles, said Barney, a parent can simply acknowledge the child’s feelings (“I’m sure that made you sad”) and gently push them in the opposite direction from where they are going.  As tantrums are fueled by the attention a parent gives to them, they can simply be ignored. Barney said: “As you learn this skill and your child learns that you’re going to use this skill, this tantrum is going to be short lived and will be gone…It’s the same way with any other behavior.”

Denise is an expert in the Power of Positive Parenting, a parenting manual written by Dr. Glen Latham, having taught classes on it for 15 years. She is also the mother of six children ages 30 to 17.  The full lecture can be viewed here.

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A Two-Minute Video About how Praise can be the Perfect Teaching Tool

This post is part of a series of videos available in our new BYU Social Sciences YouTube channel! The channel contains short tidbits of many of our most popular lectures and useful, succinct, research-backed advice on relationship, political, religious, media, and financial issues. Follow us there to stay up-to-date on wisdom that will help you and your family live better lives.

What is the best way to teach a child? According to BYU alumni Denise Barney, the answer is praise. In a 2017 lecture to alumni of the School of Family Life, the Family Studies graduate spoke about how to teach children through praise.

Instead of negatively addressing children’s bad behavior, she said, one should commend children on their good behavior: “As you give praise, be descriptive: ‘I really love how you took out the garbage; that shows me that you’re responsible.’ So you’re describing the behavior and then you’re adding a value to it.” Barney added that our relationships are the only things we get to keep and that praise helps foster these relationships, making home “a place where they want to be.”

Barney also addressed the importance of attention: “If we are giving attention to negative behavior, we are strengthening it. If we’re giving attention to positive behavior, [the] same thing occurs, we are strengthening that.”

In this two-minute video, she talks about how to modify a child’s behavior through proper praise and attention. The full lecture can be viewed here.

Denise is an expert in the Power of Positive Parenting, a parenting manual written by Dr. Glen Latham, having taught classes on it for 15 years. She is also the mother of six children ages 30 to 17.

When You Can Ignore Your Kids, According to Positive Parenting Expert Denise Barney

This post is nineteenth in a series of videos available in our new BYU Social Sciences YouTube channel! The channel contains tidbits of many of our most popular lectures and useful, succinct, research-backed advice on relationship, political, religious, media, and financial issues. Follow us there to stay up-to-date on wisdom that will help you and your family live better lives.

Bette Davis once said: “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” Parenting is hard! In a recent lecture to the alumni of the School of Family Life, Family Studies graduate Denise Barney spoke about age-typical behaviors of children and how parents can move past them.

“When my daughter was around 16 or 17,” Barney said, “she became less focused on her family and more focused on her friends. She only wanted to spend time with the latter.” Understandably, Barney found this upsetting. However, she eventually came to realize that that’s just how teenagers act. Her attitude went from offense to understanding: “If someone had told me that was totally age-typical, that all teenagers at the age are self-absorbed. And it wasn’t because she hated us. It was just that she was being…normal. So, once I understood that, the rest of our kids at that age: ‘Be on your way, go be with your friends, hallelujah!’” According to Barney, if you ignore your child’s age-typical negative behavior, it will go away.

In this two-minute video, she talks about her experience, as well as the kinds of behaviors that can’t be ignored. The full lecture can be viewed here.

 

Denise is an expert in the Power of Positive Parenting, a parenting manual written by Dr. Glen Latham, having taught classes on it for 15 years. She is also the mother of six children ages 30 to 17.